These Things I Know

These things I know…
That I never knew love until I knew you
Never knew acceptance until you kissed my face
That all my faults
Rolling over you like water over rock
Have only made you smoother still.

I lose my keys; lock myself out of cars and houses
Back into ditches; forget that I’ve left the espresso brewing, the washer filling
Enticed by some passing moment I feel I must catch
There is a poem to write, flowers to plant, a dog to love
Flitting here and there like a hummingbird, I hover
I’ve forgotten how to land unless, perhaps, I never knew.

You are so grounded; completing each task as it comes to you
Carrying within you the history of things well done
I get so frazzled with the ordinary things of life
You are my sanctuary of peace
Your smile brings me joy, the touch of your work-worn hands against my cheek
Still ignites my soul even after all these years.

If we had found each other sometime in our innocent youth
Before we were wounded
Would our love have taken the same course?
For in the midst of our suffering we grew intimate with desire
Learned the meaning of a thirst so deep
We could not imagine living any other way.

During those long years of our first marriages, when we lay two thousand miles apart
Staring through hopeless nights at our separate ceilings
We came to know in great detail what we never wanted to be again
Strangers in our own homes; the visible invisible
Ones who no longer mattered to spouses
Who had promised to love and cherish us.

Those marriages fell apart, even though both of us in one last attempt,
Threw our life boats to the waves and paddled for all we were worth
But the greatest secret is this
The discontent of our spouses;
(That same discontent that broke our hearts)
Came to be our greatest gift!

When we met that day in December, time should have stood still
The universe should have held its breath
Heralding in such a love as ours!
You, all wrapped up in the comfort of your one-ness
Your life full of doxies, car repairs and overtime
Sleeping the sleep of the exhausted.



I longed for someone to talk to
A sensible, adult conversation, after work- was my suggestion to you
And you, a coffee teetotaler, took me up on it.
How our guardian angels must have high-fived!
We talked for hours that night at the Apple Peddler
I left my phone number on your answer machine the next day.

We progressed to dinner and a movie and I kissed you first
Made you laugh until you could remember what laughter felt like
Bursting forth from your belly
Flirted with you shamelessly, as I remember
Once night you pulled over in the middle of nowhere
Kissed me, said… “This is getting serious.”

I spent the night with you in January, knew full well what I was doing
Stood out on the deck later, in the glow of the porch light, wrapped only in your blanket
Thinking, I love this man more than anything in the world
You brought me back inside, made me hot tea
Handed it to me in a mug,
Your hand shaking a bit.

I remember how the soft kitchen light looked on your face
How there was nothing but gentleness in your hazel eyes
How you held my hand on the way back to bed
How I was afraid to move while you slept that night
Didn’t want to wake you, spent the night awake, listened to night sounds in a strange house
Until it was dawn and time to go home.

We didn’t know exactly what line we had crossed, before I left
Only that it was an awkward one
You took a giant step back
I cried when I got home
You called and asked me why, but I couldn’t explain the hope I had in my heart
And the fear that I may have lost you in the midst of finding you.

Within a week you knew
I packed up my stuff and borrowed your truck to move it to your house
Made friends with the night sounds
Wasn’t afraid my movement at night would wake you
Just kept scooting closer, lulled to sleep
By the rise and fall of your chest against my back.

The day we married was the happiest day of my life
A love such as ours is
Like a comet that passes within our sight
Once in a million years
Bursting open the heavens with its fire
Dancing in beauty and brilliance.

These things I know…


Joy Arnett